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Worry is heavy one my mind! Control is a Three Letter Word! Leukemia and graft vs. host disease sucks!

 This past week I went to see my primary care cancer doctor nurse practitioner, because my doctor was out of the office. While at my appointment she noticed that my blood pressure seemed a little low, and after describing me blacking out and falling multiple times, she wanted to do a few tests. She did the stroke test first, then checked my ears (which had fluid in them), I had an EKG, then my blood pressure was taken three times: once while laying down, waited 2 minutes then it was taken as I was sitting up, then waited 2 minutes and it was taken while I was standing. She became concerned because my blood pressure was under 100 (top number) while I was sitting, and in the high 80's (top number) while standing. So she had one of her staff push me in a wheelchair over to the emergency department at the hospital. It was packed with patients waiting to be seen. Once the medical staff from my doctors office explained why I needed to be seen, the ER staff took my blood pressure (seated)...
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Tire of being tired!

 I am literally so tired of being tired!! Sick of being Sick! Frustrated with so many challenges that never seem to end!!! It seems to be that no matter how hard I try to keep pushing forward, with every additional step that I take I feel as if I have a tractor trailer tied to my waist and I am giving it all the effort that I have to keep going but I'm getting nowhere!!! Working on getting the edits and updates finished with my publisher. This has been a long process, from taking 7 years to finish my manuscript, and now working with my publisher to finalize the last edits! I am not expecting to be rich or famous from my book once it's published. I am hoping that by sharing my journey may help someone that may be going through their own battles, to see there is hope!!! Fatigue is pretty bad today, so I will cut this post short.  I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to read my blog! :)
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Just because you love someone enough to marry and build a life together, doesn't mean that a person you're marrying has the same desire!

 Good morning!  I am going to share more about my story/journey today with you. I know that everyone has a story to tell within themselves, but they may choose to not share it. For me, when I started writing my book I felt as if it was therapeutic. Does it hurt sometimes to relive it, yes does! But writing it down feels as though a weight is being lifted off of my shoulders, and with all that I still have a head of me to face, I could surely use a lighter load to carry! About a week before I was due to have my baby, my two sons and I were home alone. My husband was gone with his friends, and me and the boys were laying in my bed watching television together. Our apartment was on the first floor, but it was partially underground. So, the windows in our bedroom were very high up on the wall. While you were in bed you could look right out the window between where the window frame and blinds met without lifting your head off the pillow. That night that we were watching television ...
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Providing an update on where things stand with having my book published.

www.claralynnbell.com        controlisa3letterword I haven't added any new posts to my Blog since April 16th. Since then I have had a lot going on, and time has gotten away from me.  My manuscript has been sent to the publisher, and we are in the process of working together to make some edits and a few changes that will help things flow better within each chapter. My goal is to have my book ready to be available for purchase by late June, if possible.  When it is complete it will be available for purchase on Amazon and my website. I have listed my website at the top of the page for your review, should you have a desire to visit it now. The second link that is provided at the top of the page is my TikTok user name. I don't know a lot about TikTok, I'm learning as I go. My daughter-in-law suggested that I put the information about my book as well as my ongoing journey through leukemia, stem cell transplant, and graft vs. host disease on TikTok. She thought th...
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Life doesn't always turn out the way we expected

 I left off my last blog with the news that my grandfather had slit his own throat. When I was contacted by another family member and heard what our grandfather had done I couldn't believe it! He had left a note stating that he was tired of waiting to go to Heaven to be with his wife, and that he didn't want a funeral. When I seen him last I had seen no signs of him having the desire to do this. He did talk a lot about his wife during our visit, and told me the story of how he ended up living in Florida. To think back now that he felt so heartbroken that he was able to take his only life, just breaks my heart! My cousin that found him had to of been in shock, and I hope and pray that he will be able to get that image out of his mind! When we got back to Ohio, we went to where my son was still living in the country for a bit. We eventually ended up going back to the state park where camping is permitted. I did my best to hold out living in the camper. But as the weather started ...
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White count starting to down, but still no relief

 Over the next few days I was finding it difficult to breathe. I felt a great deal of pressure in my upper abdominal area, and it was so sore under my left breast that I had to literally place my arm under my breast, and hold it up any time that I was sitting up, standing up, or walking around. I'm not sure if any of you have ever had internal pain coming from an organ before, but it is a sensation that I had never felt before, and it is a whole different kind of pain! I called my oncologist to update them that I was going on a couple weeks with my spleen still feeling as if it were swollen, and I was back at work. I explained that I couldn't handle the amount of pain that I was in when I was upright, and that I couldn't do my job professionally. My office has people coming in it all day long, and I wasn't about to walk around holding my breast up, so that it could at least provide me a little relief from the amount of pain I was in. So the doctor wanted me to come back...
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First dose of Hydroxyurea (chemo pill)

 About an hour after taking my first dose of Hydroxyurea I felt as if I had swallowed a ball of fire! My stomach was burning so bad, and I started to vomit. So I thought if I ate crackers slowly that it might help soak up what I felt was acid in my stomach and sooth my stomach some. I was able to keep the crackers down. At the time we didn't have a blowup mattress in the tent, so I was laying in a lawn chair that reclined back and the feet raised up. So I laid down in the lawn chair and tried to fall asleep, hoping that if I slept that I might be able to sleep through the rough part of my body adjusting to the medicine.  We didn't have a toilet in the tent, and all though my son had a toilet in the house I didn't want to keep bothering them to go inside to use the bathroom and to be honest I didn't think that I would make it. I feel that I need to point out that my son would have allowed us to stay in the house with him and his family! But I didn't want to. They had...
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