Life doesn't always turn out the way we expected

 I left off my last blog with the news that my grandfather had slit his own throat. When I was contacted by another family member and heard what our grandfather had done I couldn't believe it! He had left a note stating that he was tired of waiting to go to Heaven to be with his wife, and that he didn't want a funeral. When I seen him last I had seen no signs of him having the desire to do this. He did talk a lot about his wife during our visit, and told me the story of how he ended up living in Florida. To think back now that he felt so heartbroken that he was able to take his only life, just breaks my heart! My cousin that found him had to of been in shock, and I hope and pray that he will be able to get that image out of his mind!

When we got back to Ohio, we went to where my son was still living in the country for a bit. We eventually ended up going back to the state park where camping is permitted. I did my best to hold out living in the camper. But as the weather started getting cold, and my joints, and bone pain got worse I was struggle to get in and out of the camper. During the day I would try to sit outside the camper and enjoy the beautiful trees that were around me! There weren't many people there during the day. Mainly seniors that were retired, families that were on vacation, and me. One morning as we woke up on a weekend, we headed to the showers. We saw a red truck pulled in front of the shower/bathroom. The truck was facing the shower/bathroom as if they were going to drive into the building. As we got closer to the building we saw that the passenger side door was open and the man in the drivers seat had a needle in his arm and was unconscious. We called 911 and the state park office. There was a woman in the woman's bathroom, and a few minutes later we found out that she was with the man. He came too and walked into the women's shower area to talk to the woman. I was flipping out since I was in the shower next to her. I yelled and said whatever man is in here needs to get out. He left the shower area, and the police finally showed up. They spoke to us and we let them know all that we had seen. I am not sure if the man was arrested or what, because we left the camp site. But after seeing that I was very nervous to be there alone!

If I'm being honest I can say that even though I struggled in the tent and camper because of my new health diagnosis, it felt freeing because I knew that no one was able to live with me/us. I didn't have to carry the burdens of others while I was trying to come to terms with my own financial situation and health issues. I don't say that to be rude or mean, I just have some family that thinks everything wrong in their life is my fault, and that I should bear all of their struggle and burdens. I was so tired of that! Not that I don't love them, and pray for them, but they have shown no care for my health issues, they only care about themselves. You can only help someone so much, if they don't choose to help themselves that is on them.

My health started to decline, and I was struggling with my memory and had issues breathing due to the side effects of the chemo pill, as well as the significant weight gain from the medication. 

My employer noticed the health issues getting worse and I went from working remotely to being put on short term disability. The original oncologist that I had seen had no answers for all of the additional health issues that I was having. All he did was order CT-Scan one after another, I have had more CT-Scans that any one person should have throughout their lifetime. 

The last day I seen my original oncologist was when I was explaining all of the pain and other effects that I was having since being started on the medication, and telling him how much I was struggling with all of it and my concern about my weight gain. He tried to say that NONE of the issues that I was having was from the chemo pill, even though I had joined a Facebook group for CML patients and the majority of them developed the same issues from the chemo pills. 

I found a new doctor when my original oncologist told me that the only other test he could do for me to find out why I was having so many side effects was an autopsy.......

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