Introducing myself

 This is all new to me, and I'm learning how it works as I go. I have had so many things happen throughout my life, that I've been told by multiple people, including my counselor that I should write a book. Little did they know that I have been trying to collect my thoughts well enough to do so for several years.

I journal daily, as I have found that it helps me to get my feelings out of my mind and onto paper. Writing my feelings, stressors, and frustrations in my life down, somehow helps me feel that I am in control of them. That may seem odd to some. But when you are constantly surrounded by stressful situations, all while battling serious health issues, you have to figure out a way to function despite all of it. 

So while I'm working to finish my book, I thought I would start a blog. The purpose of my blog is not only to help me try to make sense of some of the things that I have been through, but perhaps it may be helpful to others that may be experiencing similar struggles. 

I will share a little about myself with this initial post. I am a 55 year old woman, that was diagnosed with leukemia on my birthday in 2018. This diagnosis came after multiple deaths in my family back to back, including my little brother being murdered. Even as I type these words out-loud today, with as long as it has been, I still find it difficult to believe. I always wondered how people that I had seen on the news or knew in person, could make it through losing a family member, in such an unexpected, and horrible way! I thought they must be made of something very strong to be able to move on and not just curl up into a fetal position and shut down entirely! But what I found is, what other choice do you have?! You can't change it, you can't just curl up in a fetal position hoping it goes away, because life doesn't work that way. It forces you to deal with it, or you choose not to deal with it, instead you push it down. Push it way down deep into the deep dark place in your mind that you no longer want access to! But how long will it remain there? Only God knows!