The Morning After My Diagnosis

 When I woke up the next morning to get ready for work, I felt as if someone had beat me up! I hadn't gotten much sleep, and I was struggling not only with the diagnosis, but also the realization of how I was going to tell my family. Will I be able to keep working? I haven't made my funeral arrangements yet, I don't even have the financial means to make my funeral arrangements. So many thoughts were running through my mind!

The oncologist office called me while I was driving into work. They let me know that they were able to get the approval from my insurance for the first TKI (chemo pill), and confirmed which pharmacy I wanted it to be sent to. I was told about potential side effects, and specific things to watch for that would warrant me needing to go to the emergency room. The medication was called Hydroxyurea. I was told that this medication was very strong, and it is commonly used as the first line of treatment for CML (Chronice Myeloid Leukemia) patients. The reason that the oncologist had to file for financial aid/approval for me to obtain the mediation, is because the TKI'S range in price anywhere from $3K to $30K a month, depending on the medication.

My youngest son and his family were living in a house that his dad owned out in the country. I decided to reach out to my ex-husband and ask him if he would be okay with me putting our tent up in the yard, where our son was living. He was fine with it. I know to some it might sound odd, but even though we had been divorced for sometime, we have known each other since we were in junior high school. We were friends before we dated and got married, and we remained friends until this day.

So instead of living in a tent at the state park, we were now living in a tent where my youngest son was living.

I let my employer know about my health, and asked to use a few days of my PTO so that I could start this new medication, and see how my body was going to respond to it. They worked with me and were very understanding. 

I decided that I wanted to tell each of my sons in person and their families. They were concerned and offered to help in any way they could. I also contacted my extended family and let them all know what was going on. We had lost several family members within a short time prior to my diagnosis. One of them unexpected and tragically, so it upset me to have to tell them more bad news! Everyone was mentally struggling from so much loss and I didn't want to add to their hurt! So I broke the news to them as easily as I possibly could.

I picked up my medication and got some BBQ for dinner on my way back home. My husband was very stressed out when I took the first dose! He had been a firefighter/EMT for many years, and at that time he still was, and he knew a lot about how this type of medication had a history of causing strokes, heart attacks, etc...So after we ate I took the first dose, and we all held our breath. Thinking back now I find it funny that we braced ourselves as if I was going to explode or something. 

About an hour after taking my first dose it hit me......